Toyota Land Cruiser Ninja Edition For Sale - Funny Craigslist Ad
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FJ-40 1973 EXTRA SPECIAL MODIFIED
OK, let me start off by saying this 1973 TOYOTA FJ-40 is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to have chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Toyota would look like Jimmy Buffett. It is just that masculine.
It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Tommy Bahama that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Best Buy. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous sissy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 300 HP Corvette engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The FJ40 also has five speed transmission so if you're being chased by Al Qaeda terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and the four babes you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-ISIS, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $9,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There's only 137,500 on the title miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Pluto. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
UNCLE BUZZ, your humble advisor.